Corazon

"I don't think I know what it means to be in love with someone, or even how to be in love."

- "Well, hopefully, we can learn together."

Sometimes fear is the best motivation to start something new - to throw your dirty baggage away and to press forward. Sometimes fear of the unknown is necessary. Sometimes courage is essential. Sometimes tears are guaranteed to fall.



But, its nice to know that I can experience all of this in the strong arms of someone who cares about me. Feeling those marvelous arms wrapping around my body, the soft touch of lips on my neck assuring me that they will be with me every step of the way. Our heads touching, eyes closed and bodies silent - as if we are mentally sending each other a message saying "I promise to always take care of you". Sometimes, it takes risk to get this kind of reward.

Life is an Amazing Race, and I can admit to not always feeling completely assured of myself or of my situations. I am a believer in the idea that people are the result of their environments and experiences. Having had my share of shitty romantic experiences, its hard at times for me to really open up and trust my heart to another man. A lot of times I battle with fear of being mistreated or left behind. A lot of times I struggle with the fact that I AM worth it and any guy who is willing to mishandle me is a damn fool. But, I guess that makes me human. I guess that means I lose a battle with fear - but I refuse to lose the war.

Like always, there is a lot going on in my head right now however, I hope this song posted earlier in the blog kind of sums it up (sort of).

Enjoy.

My name is SavvyBoricua: Mind, Body and Soul and this is my blog.

Versus the clock

Have you ever wondered why life seems to be so constrained and dictated by a timetable? That precious little time between birth and death so seldom spent actually living. The second hand withers away at our lives as we get caught up in arguments, anger, frustrations, pressure, sadness, grief, confusion, and a bevy of other intense emotional states.

We are expected to walk by 1, talk by 2, go to school at 4, celebrate our sweet 15s/16s, graduate from highschool at 18, finish college by 21, get a job, get married at 25, have kids by 28, start menopause by 42, retire by 60, then wait to expire. What the fuck is up with that, yo?

I cant even begin to wonder from what bizarre reality did these social constraints blossom from. Why am I accepting them? Why have they infiltrated my life so much that they influence my actions in this very moment? The second hand withers away at my life as I sit here and write these words. Opportunities fly away. Experiences escape me. Life moves on without me.

Rather than focusing on how fast the pages of my calendar continue to turn, I have decided to focus on one thing and one thing only - discovering and satisfying my inner craving for happiness. Time to enjoy the lapping of water on my toes as I sit beneath a star sprinkled night...intently looking for a shooting star...enjoying the feeling of warm air filling my lungs...essentially - focusing on me.

Versus the clock....you can give me a gold star..not for longevity because Lord knows I don't necessarily want to be the worlds hottest centenarian, but in terms of making the most of those withering seconds. a gold star is in order. Finding ways to fill in the boxes the adorn the pages of my calendar. Finding ways to make life count.

Tick tock. The time is now.

Aprovechalo.

My name is SavvyBoricua: Mind, Body and Soul and this is my blog.

You are the poetic license of my lifesong.

Beginning the new chapter in my life.

I think that along with having my emotional and personal notes here on my blog, I will also express another side of myself that is very pertinent and very exciting.

I have applied to graduate schools in hopes of achieving my Doctorate in Physical Therapy. I already hold a Bachelor of Science in Movement Science from the University of Michigan Ann Arbor School of Kinesiology (whew, that was a lot to say).

I have applied to the following programs:
- University of Illinois at Chicago
- Midwestern University
-Northwestern University
-Boston University
-The George Washington University
- Duke University
-The University of Miami (Florida)
- Wayne State University

I have been a nervous wreck for the past couple of weeks and the latest I should be hearing back from schools is the first couple weeks of January. To prepare myself for interviews and the admissions process, I will be researching the American Physical Therapy Association www.apta.org and reading/posting interesting articles and happenings in the world of Physical Therapy. This is my life everyone. This is my passion. Lets see what happens!!!

My name is SavvyBoricua: Mind, Body and Soul and this is my blog.

You give me butterflies...

Tonight, you saved me. Tonight, you kept me sane. Tonight, you were my rock right when I thought I was going to snap. Thank you.

You just finished dropping me off at home after an interesting evening. You kissed me, looked me in my eyes and walked me to my door. You have been the perfect gentleman to me, and every time my hand is in yours, I can feel my heart melting.

After today, you have earned another song dedication.

This is a song that I have loved since I first heard the CD back in the day. Its a beautiful story of a womans love/affection for a man and how his interaction with her has impacted her life. For some reason tonight, after you dropped me at home, this song was just playing over and over in my head and I realized that although we may not be to the level of being in "love" with one another, I do care for you a lot and have a lot of love for you and you are very special to me. Babe, you give me butterflies!

So, attached you will find the Alicia Keys - Never Felt This Way/Butterflyz compilation for my dedication to the amazing man you are. I hope you like it babe, and for all those who are reading, please enjoy the following video and let your man/woman know how u feel about them!



I am SavvyBoricua:Mind, Body and Soul and this is my blog.

Water Wings

So, there is this individual who has in a way helped to enhance and invigorate my life. They have not tried to change me, they have not expected anything from me really and they have really been a true support system for me, and do reside in a very very special place in my heart.

Words we share that make me smile ~Chicago~Future~Hopes and Dreams~Music~Laughter~Creativity~Sentimental~ADVENTURES~Cuddling~Heart to Heart~Differences~Calm~HGTV :) ~ Batting Cages~ Melting Pot~ Hookah Lounge~ Wild N Crazy Kids~More to come in the near future...

So I told this individual that he inspires me to write poetry, but knowing him I thought it more appropriate to dedicate songs that either remind me of a special moment, conversation or feeling and to try to express my feelings through words.

I know sometimes you may feel like you are drowning babe, but let me be your water wings. ;)


This song, goes out to that special someone. Its "Far Away" by Kindred the Family Soul. I absolutely am enraptured by neo-soul, soul and R & B music and Kindred is definitely at the top of my list in terms of artists/musical groups. This is a song about 2 individuals getting back to the basics, erasing from their minds the everyday stresses of life, escaping and enjoying each other once again.... ENJOY

No more tears....FUCK EM... ok moving on... I feel much better now!

Lagrimas Descubiertas

More original poetry by me. I have a lot on my mind and although I outwardly try to seem happy and content with the way my life has turned out, there are many times when I get lost in the the thought of the "what could have been". I know that everything happens for a reason, and I am truly blessed to be living the life that I have right now, but you can't run from your feelings and you can't hide what you think is right in your heart, even though others may think its wrong. So in an attempt to work some of this confusion, sadness and frustration out that I have accumulated over 11 months time, I wrote this poem... I hope you like it. If not- I don't know what to tell you.

Lagrimas Descubiertas

When it rains, it pours. The winds, the fury, the water, the confusion, the anger the vengeance the CALM….

In the eye of the storm, the eerie silence surrounding me is deafening.

The desolation of my circumstance

marked as visible destruction deep in my heart has returned to haunt me.

Words spiraling

around like the long whispy fingers of ghosts

seeping from the crevices of the floorboards

an instantaneous whirlwind.

“You two should talk”

“What about the past???”

Lingering “I love you’s” escaping my lips only to fall

like the solemn notes of an old-world composition.

The eye of the storm,

a lonely cavern,

filled with the troubled thoughts of years gone by

adorned with the trophies of arguments won and battles lost.

I wonder if the storm has yet passed over your home

or if you found shelter elsewhere.

I wonder if the wind has erupted

in sounds of shattered glass over your refuge

part of me hopes you escaped unscathed

part of me doesn’t

part of me wonders why the storm is seemingly lurking over me

like the ugly black cloud of reality

And while this is all speculation, I remember

the eye of the storm does not last for long.

The winds increase, the pressure builds

I’m tossed around as I search frantically for cover

I cover my head and shield my heart to survive.

and the rain falls.

One lonely tear drop after another

until we are drowning in the pain of the heavens

as they markedly show their disapproval

of what has become

and through the abundant craziness and chaos

I find myself

still

loving

you.

Viral Poetry - Self Submission

Words dancing through my mind like soft petals in the wind

I can't pretend these tears
Aren't over flowing steadily
I can't prevent this hurt from
Almost overtaking me
But I will stand and say goodbye
For you'll never be mine
Until you know the way
it feels to fly




_______________________________________



You call yesterday to basically say
That you care for me but that you're just not in love
Immediately I pretended to beel similarly
And led you to believe I was O.K.
To just walk away from the thing
That's unyielding and sacred to me

So what do you do when somebody you're devoted to
Suddenly just stops loving you and it seems they haven't got a clue
Of the pain that rejection is putting you through
Do you cling to your pride and sing I will survive
Do you lash out and say How dare you leave this way
Do you hold on in vain as they just slip away

When the world ends...

Original Poetry that came to me today. Its an intermittent feeling that I have been battling with for some time now, but hopefully by writing it down, I can make some forward movement.

When the world ends...by PMarie

Long ago I wrote these words
And part of me still feels the connection
Once upon a time these words were the only echo of my faintly beating heart
Once upon a time I believed in the fairytale

"When the world ends, my heart will remain with you"

My heart reached out, eagerly looking for something to grasp
My body, broken, tattered, in ruins from nights of no sleep
My lungs, gasping for air, having screamed time and time again "Lord, WHY?!!?"
My mind, blackened by the stinging punch of your uncouth ways.

"When the world ends, my heart will remain with you"

Reverberations in my chest like the soulful songs of the afflicted
Repeating over and over again as if it were trying to convince me
Convince me of all that I have been trying to ignore
The pulse of my veins powered by the memory of you,
the memory of me, of what could have been.

"When the world ends, my heart will remain with you"

And within a small piece of myself, a part of you will always stay.

Viral Minds Think Alike Pt 1

Viral Minds Think Alike Pt 1

So, I will start uploading videos of people that I feel can say things better than I can or at least have caused me to think about my own actions.

This video is just pure comedy although the person who created it is saying some very true things that I think all women need to hear.

STOP PLAYING YOURSELVES MUJERES!!! You need a guy that can step up to the plate point blank, stop making things so damn hard on yourselves!

It's funny how things come around....

It's funny how things come back. 10 months ago I never thought I would be in the position that I am now. With my grad school apps over and done with, a full time job, money in the bank and still involving myself with classes, boxing, social life and romance.

10 months ago, I was sulking in the misery of what was and did not have a very clear outlook on what was to come. But, I started writing. My words were my ladder, helping me to climb out of the overwhelmingly large hole I thought I was in. Initially, I thought the climb would take a millenia, but after starting my acension I realized I was already there. My freedom, my release from my enclosure had been the very thing my soul needed.

So, I sit here today in reflection. Thinking of the pain that I felt. Thinking of the tears that fell like lonely raindrops from my eyes. Thinking of the sleepless nights and the days of hunger. And the only thing that I can say is - I am truly blessed. For, it was these days of deprivation, these months of solitude and wander that have brought me to the place I am today. Placid and content. Serenity surrounding my every move. Peace instilled every decision. It is today that I can look behind me and see just how many rungs on the ladder I have climbed. It is today, that I can be thankful for my grace, my dignity and the smile I wore on my face regardless of how many people wished they could take it away from me.

Today, was another revolution made on the cycle. Knowing that I have moved forward in spite of obvious regression of others. Knowing that I have been able to make something of myself because of my own hard work and diligence. Knowing that I am a winner in my own right, keeps the wheel turning. 10 months of progress. 10 months of growth. We have to be thankful for our pain and sorrow, it truly teaches us the meaning of being happy. We have to appreciate the time that we are alone (and we should all be alone for a period of time - just a suggestion) because it allows us to really value being with others.

I have learned that I am a blessing in the life of those who have me. I have learned that I have qualities that can be matched by no one else. I have learned that my unique existence in this world is a jewel in the life of those that I love and those that love me. I have learned that LOVE is not something you can genuinely give to someone over a short period of time. It must be cultivated, it must be discussed, it must have a reason or a source.

Don't short change love, because love is good at short changing you right back.

Today, I am not the woman I was yesterday, nor am I the woman I am going to be tomorrow. Today, I am happy with my life. Today, I am blessed. But, its interesting how things come around. On a daily basis, remind yourself that things can always improve. Thank God for putting you through these struggles, because he is preparing you for your rewards.

My name is SavvyBoricua: Mind, Body and Soul and this is my blog

Don't talk about it. BE about it.

I have always had very strong viewpoints in regards to how life works and what the "right" choices should be for myself and others. I always have been a forward moving, progressively thinking individual, fighting to push barriers both seen and unseen. I have always been one to get my hands dirty in a situation to effect change in the environment around me. So, if I offend anyone by what I say, I don't mean to and I deeply apologize in advance!

I grew up in a suburb of Detroit. The school system was predominantly black (African American for those uncomfortable with my terminology) and I was always the representative for the Latino people. From a young age, I always knew what it was like to be the "other" amongst a sea of people who knew what it was like to be the "same". If you could only know the frustrations I felt when I would hear people talk about how "the man is oppressing them" or how "being a minority in the suburbs was so hard". Imagine being a minority amongst minorities. Imagine having people disregard your heritage on a daily basis and claim you as their own (which I have to admit had its benefits at times). Imagine knowing your true roots but hiding that pride inside of you for more than half of your life so you can fit in with the rest of the crowd.

Don't tell me that I don't know what it is like to struggle for my people, because I have "good hair, good skin color and I don't carry the masters last name". Don't tell me that I don't have to work as hard as everyone else because "the man doesnt keep me down". Because quite frankly I am enough of me, you, them and everyone else to hold my own self down in ANY situation. Don't call me fake, or a poser. It was because of you that I morphologically developed into a social chameleon. Don't tell me that I don't know about slavery and how dare you ask me "what are you?"

To answer your question, I am a human being, what are you?!

The other day, I was taken aback by a comment that was made towards me. I don't know why, but I felt really offended when this happened and I don't know whether it was my innate repulsiveness to ignorance, or if I was upset because I felt like someone was questioning the validity of what I said but the conversation went as follows:

P: Yea, I was a choreographer for a Puerto Rican folkloric dance that gets its roots from African dances.

XY: Wait, there are black people in Puerto Rico?

P: Umm, yes. Wait, are you serious?

XY: Oh, well I just thought all Puerto Ricans were your complexion or lighter - I didn't know there were actually Africans there too.

P: (at this point my eyes were reeling in the back of my head and I was doing some intense breathing exercises to keep my cool)

So, in regards to this comment, and for seeing that there are people who are unaware

Let me tell you about myself:

My blood comes from the slaughtering of my Taino indians. Natives of Puerto Rico, and the Caribbean at large. They were a traveling people, settling into Puerto Rico, Cuba, Northern parts of South America, Haiti, the Dominican Republic and Jamaica to name a few.

For those of you who chose to sleep through your World History courses, for 300 years the route of transport of slaves was patterned in the shape of a triangle...First going from Europe to West Africa - from West African Yoruba tribes to the Caribbean and American colonies then back to Europe.

The bloodshed of Tainos, mis Africanos, mixed with the Spanish colonizer/slavetrader blood created the people you see today.

Slavery started in 1517 on the island of Puerto Rico and was not abolished until 1873. Slavery in the US started almost 40 years later and ended 10 years earlier. Now, I agree, it was wrong and horrible either way you look at it. But don't go thinking you were the only ones that suffered in this time, my people suffered too.

My people, your people...are the same people.

However, instead of hanging our heads low and dwelling on the torture that was brought upon our ancestors, my blood flows with pride. I take pride in the bomba y plena and the barriles created by my African ancestors. I take pride in words like huracan, barbacoa, bohio and canoa, words used in Spanish but that originated on the authentic Taino tongue. I take pride in the fact that Puerto Ricans pronounce the R's in our words like L's and we drops the S's from the ends of our words, because the Africans that came to our island could not pronounce these words due to their dialect, so they took their Spaniard Masters words and added their own twist to it.

I take pride in the various shades of brown, white and black that canvas my island. I take pride i knowing you can't put a finger on what I am just by looking at me, because that means I am a culmination of 3 beautiful cultures and I am unique.

So, no offense, but please don't try to assimilate me into your culture. Please, don't try to assume I don't know your struggle. Because we are more alike than we are different and if you really took the time to get to know my history, you would realize that I am just. like. you.

But, to this world, on paper, I am still considered OTHER. In my efforts to move forward and make a better life for myself, I feel like I have to try two, three, four times as hard as the next person. To this country, they hear that I am Latina and they seem to instantly think "illegal immigrant sucking up our government funds?" and when I clarify that I am Puerto Rican and my islanders are US Citizens then they say, "oh, so you're black?". haha.. Nooo, im not. (not that there is anything wrong with that)

After getting this far in my life I have gotten to the point where I advise myself and those I care about to do one thing and one thing only. If you are going to effect change in your environment, if you have plans to do something great - stop talking. KNOW where you come from, KNOW where you are going. Shut up, and do something. Be a woman of Action. Be a man of Action. Be an individual of Action. Stop dwelling on what was. Stop worrying about what is. Stop thinking about what is to come. If you set your mind to something, shut up and do it.

One of my favorite high school teachers had a poster in his classroom that I read on a daily basis and it stated: THERE IS NO TRY. THERE IS ONLY DO OR DON'T DO.

So, my friends, we may seem to be in unfavorable situations at this point in our lives. We may be frustrated with the things we have or don't have. We may be upset about the love we want to find but cannot. But, what are you going to do about it? Are you going to sit around and let your past dictate who you are? Are you going to sit around and let someone else determine your role in this world? Or, are you going to stand up and be an individual of Action?

The choice is yours. Isn't it time you made history?

My name is SavvyBoricua: Mind, Body and Soul and this is my blog

Rediscovery

The road to rediscovery is paved with potholes
The kind of holes that will suck you in and spit you out
The kind of holes that leave you with a pounding headache, a sore toosh and the need for one of those extra strength execedrins (mmm yummm)

The road to rediscovery is a one way street
Once you start down the path the only way out is by pushing forward
Theres not enough room to turn around in case you change your mind

The road to rediscovery has no map
This road, is not a road to Nowhere (you passed that exit a long time ago)
This is a road to Somewhere, and where you'll end up is hard to know

The road to rediscovery has no end
keep driving,
keep observing,
theres a new lesson at every bend

This road will wind and dip, and the dust may get in your eyes
but know that this journey will continue, as long as you have the drive

My name is SavvyBoricua: Mind, body and soul and this is my blog.

Cease and Assist

We have to all come to the understanding that no matter what we do, no matter where we are, no matter who we are with, there will always be judging eyes watching.

Growing up I was always surrounded by petty drama. My friends arguing over the dumbest things and me being caught in the middle. I would always say to myself that in the next stage of life, things won't be this way. "In high school I wont have to deal with this mess". "In college I won't have to be surrounded by stupid drama" "After college, people are too busy to be dramatic - I can't wait until I graduate". But lo and behold, the shit does not end. The drama does not cease. And if anything, it all just gets worse!

Its exhausting to hear people proclaim that you should learn from your mistakes so as not to repeat them in the future. Its frustrating to hear people say that they are mature and "grown" but ultimately resort to childlike behaviors to get their way.

People, take time out to look at yourself in the mirror. Look at yourself long and hard and ask yourself, "Am I the person that I really claim to be?" "Do my actions speak louder than my words? Do I lead by example? Do I allow the thoughts of others to infuse into my own? Am I my own person?"

Reflect upon yourself and you will find that drama, arguments, and judgement from others is all a manifestation of your own insecurities.

Be courageous enough to admit you are not perfect and figure out the steps to grow.

You. Me. Be.

Baby, be the poetry in my dance.

Be the grace in my words.

Be the delicate beauty in my sounds.

Baby, be all of me so I can be all of you and we can just...BE

I am a true believer in my own potential.
I fear no obstacle I see no barriers
to do so would be to admit the possibility that I can be defeated.
But, defeat is not now, nor will it ever be an option.
I feed off the adrenaline of experience.
I flourish in the dim light of uncertainty.
I am - a strong, independent woman.
I am a believer.
I am the dream.

Random Thought #3

Life will throw obstacles in your way when you least expect it. Step over them, kick them to the side, laugh in their face. You can succeed in times of inequity because you are a beautiful human being and because you deserve satisfaction.

Make things happen...

I'll let you into my dreams if you let me into yours.

Sweet Dreams. Beautiful Nightmares. Free Falls.

I started to think about how we assign meaning to people and how we determine which people in our lives we allow into our hearts. The more I think about it and the more I consider my life as a whole and those people I really care about, I understand that life is just one big risk.

We take a risk with people and there are two possible outcomes: you can either have a "sweet dream" or a "beautiful nightmare". Either way, we learn things from the situations we put ourselves in and everything seems to work itself out in the end. Hearts can break. Love can grow. But it takes strength and a little bit of insanity to take that first initial jump, to go ahead and take the risk of allowing someone into your heart.

Every night I rush to my bed - With hopes that maybe Ill get a chance to see you - When i close my eyes - Im going out of my head - Lost in a fairytale - Can you hold my hands and be my guide

Once you jump, you are in a free fall - one which you cannot stop or "wake up from" that is...until it ends. And you know what, sometimes the landing isnt as hard as we make it out to be. Maybe for once, we might fall into the arms of someone who loves us.

I personally do not care to be in a relationship at the moment. I am having a blast getting to know myself and having fun and being a young, single, beautiful woman!!! But, if I were to come across the right individual, I suppose wouldn't be completely opposed to the idea/concept of taking that risk....of opening my heart to them - but they sure as hell have to be worth it.

I mention you when I say my prayers - I wrap you around around all of my thoughts - Boy you're my temporary high - I wish that when I wake up youre there - To wrap your arms around me for real - And tell me youll stay by side

Tattoo your name across my heart - So it will remain - Not even death can make us part - What kind of dream is this?

So my friends, take a risk. Close your eyes. Allow yourself to have a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare. Don't hold out for Mr.Perfect all the time. Have a little fun. Be adventurous and who knows, you just might find someone wonderful. Someone you don't want to wake up from. But GO OUT AND MEET PEOPLE!!! I have been, and I love every minute of it!

Big ups to all my single ladies holding it down out there.... we rock!

I am SavvyBoricua: Mind, Body and Soul. This is my blog.

Boy, you are my daydream...

Honey
An educated man
So fine, so smooth
You bring out the fire in my heart

Tall
Muscular
Carmel skin running over smooth abs
Sweat beading over your body

Smile
Sparkling eyes
I dream about you
I crave you

Togetherness
I love it
Understanding
We have it

Touch
Soft caress
My passion - ignited
You - the match

Being a business professional woman is not always easy...

People, circumstances and situations can only set you back if you allow them to. It takes a strong individual to determine what can and will navigate their life. Be assertive and take charge of who you are and where you want to go - your future is your responsibility and with the right mindset obstacles can be obliterated. ~PMarie

Brainstorm: Illusion, Reality, Imbruglia, Dolls

Natalie Imbruglia said it best when she said,

"Illusion never changed into something real. Im wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn".

I realized that what I wanted out of life, what I wanted from relationships and what I wanted from myself was nothing but a big illusion. When I think I finally get what I have been asking for, I run. I run because I don't want to feel the shame and admit to myself that what I wanted is no longer what I want. What I hoped for is no longer what I wish, and that my desires have materialized into nothing more than an illusion.

I don't really know how I feel right now. Usually I write about thoughts that have already been developed and I try to give insight and hope to others. But, I suppose now is a time that I have to admit to you all that I am painfully human. I too, am lost. I too, am looking for answers. I too, am constantly developing into a more complete person - but at this moment I feel like im in a black hole. A place where I have no where to turn to, no one to wipe my tears, no one to look for advice. I - am here - alone.

When I think about the grand illusion - life - I realize that nothing really becomes real until you experience it and nothing is greater than what you make it.

"So I guess the fortune tellers right. Should have seen just what was there and not some holy light".

I think some of us have a tendency to hold on to ideals and expectations of ourselves and of others. I think we have this innate ability to create fantastical perceptions of what life should ultimately be and then spend every waking moment trying to create reality from a fantasy. But truthfully, fantasy and reality are two separate things and cannot therefore morphologically become intertwined or converted. I guess what I am trying to say is - we need to stop investing so much time and energy into developing our individual realities into perfect little worlds.

It is time that we.... It is time that I take a step back and allow things to unfurl as they should. My illusions will never manifest as reality; my fantasies will not become truths, unless I am willing to allow life to flow effortlessly and without interference.

Finding the strength to relinquish all power in the direction of your life is a strong test of faith. Understanding what to do at the final destination is a test of character. Rebuild yourself with illusion but uncover the truth in your reality.

I hope this somewhat made sense to you all.... if not, thanks for letting me share my thoughts in this confusing time.

Goo Goo Dolls - Iris
And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything seems like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know your alive

I am SavvyBoricua: Mind, Body and Soul. This is my blog.

4 Seasons: It's clean up time...

There is something rejuvenating about throwing things away. Its like being held underwater for what seems an eternity and finally being able to come up for air. Your chest filled with a joy that cannot be expressed in mortal words. Your mind, finally getting the oxygen and freedom it so desperately needed.

Today, as I went to my apartment in Ann Arbor to move out the last of my things, I was forced to confront old memories. They came in the form of photos, birthday cards, gifts and trinkets. Symbols of a past life. Symbols of an era that came and went. Symbols of what I was, but nothing pertinent enough to have an affect on what I am to become.

As I perused through my menagerie of sorts, I began to have flashbacks. Some of my flashbacks made me smile and others, were more like nightmares. I thought of the tears I cried. I thought of the nights I lost sleep. I thought of the moments that I held on to these trinkets as if they were the magic key that would bring me back to what I thought was complete and total happiness. I held on to these things for so long. Pictures, fotos, poems, letters. I held on to them thinking that if I kept trying, things would work in my favor.

But, I stopped trying. After a while it was exhausting to keep up with the hope of something that was not going to happen. It was exhausting to continue giving so much of myself into something that was not giving back. It was exhausting to continue having hope in a dream that was no longer possible. So I let go. I pushed it all away in the back of my closet, hidden in a box - thinking that by hiding it, I would not have to deal with the emotions - but I was wrong.

Not only did I realize just how highly favored I am, I also realized that I did eventually have to deal with the emotions attached to these items. But to my delight, my emotions weren't of sadness, grief or regret. My emotions were of the positive variety; light, airy, excited and relieved. And when it came right down to it, I told myself, "Paula, you can either keep all of this as a constant reminder of the struggle you faced or you can get rid of it and finally move on with your life." Well, lets just say that as I tore those pictures in half and threw them into the garbage - my heart smiled and said "All is well Paula, now you have grown". And at that moment, I knew that although my struggles will no longer be physically represented in my life, I have the knowledge that I faced them, I conquered them and I continued forward in my pursuit of love, happiness and self-assurance.

I guess what I am trying to communicate with you all is that sometimes life just doesn't work out the way that we plan for it. Sometimes we are confronted with certain obstacles and have to make the tough decisions. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter how fast or slow you tackle these things. What matters is that you realize who you are, what you need, what you are willing to put up with and to then make your decisions accordingly. Today, I was finally emotionally ready to let go of things that others would have thrown away months ago. But, having chosen to do this on my own terms and in my own time gave me both personal satisfaction and control over a life that only a couple of months ago was quickly spiraling down the drain.

So, women and men out there....It's time to clean out your closet. Think about what may have affected you that you still have not been able to let go. Consider what you may still be holding on to. Think about what you are honestly willing to put up with. And slowly, in your own time, let it go. Your reconnection with yourself is long awaited and definitely well deserved. Like I have said before, "Be your own breath of fresh air. Fill your lungs with hope. Fill your heart with satisfaction".

My name is SavvyBoricua: Mind, Body and Soul - This is my blog.

Random Thought #2

You are a beautiful individual. Stand up for yourself. Stand up for your heart. Think clearly. Be aggressive. The beauty of the world will soon thereafter arrive at your side. ~PMarie.

My Strength Is Made of Heartache

My strength is made of heartache.
I - the lone rose that sprouted from the concrete.
My home -trampled under the masses.
My beauty - overlooked.

Regardless, I sprouted, I blossomed, I flourished - because my strength is made from years of pain, from countless promises broken, from endless battles fought.

My strength is made of tears sprinkled on my face like fresh morning dew.

My strength is made of heartache, an uncomfortable but welcomed aqcuaintance because without it, strength of this caliber would not exist.

I don't ever halt in the face of adversity. I smile, I breathe deeply and I proceed. Because the only way out is UP and when you start from the bottom you can't be afraid to fall.

Self

Motivation: There comes a time when we must realize that the things we want are not always the things we need. There is a courage that comes with recognizing what should remain in your life and what needs to be discarded. Tackle your fears and become your own hero. Stand up and find yourself in the midst of all the chaos and know that Love comes in various forms - be open; be willing. ~PMarie

Question of the day - How can we find comfort in others or in objects when we can so very rarely find comfort within ourselves? What is it about us, our bodies, our minds, our spirits that terrify us so much? This constant need to be connected to others, connected to our iPods, connected to the internet - what is this saying about the people we have become?

Ask yourself the following questions:

1. What makes you happy?
2. What is your favorite thing to do alone?
3. How much time do you spend alone daily (on average)
4. What activities do you do alone on a daily basis?
5. What makes you feel most secure?
6. On a scale of 1-10 (10 being most anxious and 1 being least anxious) how do you feel when you are completely alone.
7. If you had to choose between having a private day for yourself and hanging out with a group of people that you don't particularly like, which would you choose and why?

Through these questions, try to determine what it is about you or about your surroundings that makes you feel vulnerable. Once you determine what that is, I challenge you to confront that obstacle head on and conquer it. I know you can do it! Once you do, please come back and in the comment box feel free to share your story! Or, if you have already gone through a similar process, I would love to hear from you as well!

You Wish You Had a Woman Like Me

If you are single, you know that sometimes dating sucks. You meet a guy/girl and you get excited because finally you have found someone who is attractive, who has goals and who you can have decent conversation with (which is hard when the dating pool is filled with so many douche-like individuals).

But, right when you are getting comfortable - right when you feel like you can actually start to like this guy they say - "Paula (or insert your name here), I feel like you like me more than I like you - I think it's best if we cool our jets". You hear the sound of screeching tires in your head and you think, what the he**? I just started to kind of like you - how the heck can I be liking you too much? I hardly called you. I let you invite me places. I rarely texted you. Is it cuz I called you "Babe"? Did that set it off? If so, thats a bad reason - I call all my close guy friends babe...its a word...means nothing. Tsk Tsk Tsk.

And you know what - it's just the fear talking. Its a fear that whatever may have been developing was actually kind of nice and if they were to give in that means they can't enjoy that "play on playa!!!" status anymore... That's cool... I get it... my brain isnt made of jello.

But, will I sit around and wait for them to come back??? Hellll no!

Why not?
Because I am too young, too beautiful, too intelligent, too independant, too cool of a chick, too eager to meet people and too good for that.

You may call it cocky but I call it confident. And you know, any man would be lucky to have a woman like me. Shit, any man would be lucky to have a woman like you too!!! But, if its not in the cards its just not in the cards and I'm not about to be the idiot trying to fit a square piece into a triangular hole...mmm no thanks...

So, with that being said - please enjoy the following "You Wish You Had a Woman Like Me" ~P.Marie



You wish you had a woman like me
Mad salsa dancing, high heel wearing, long hair flowing hipswaying diva.
A woman who can stand on her own two feet
So strong in my position, its impossible to knock me down.

You wish you had a woman like me
Intelligent, savvy, witty, remarkable
Always learning something new
Striving to impress myself moreso than to impress you.

You wish you had a woman like me
a nuturer, a sweetheart, a woman with fire in my heart
always flashing my beautiful smile
in hopes that you fall in love with my soul - not my body.

You wish you had a woman like me
Professional, athletic, classy, an all around all-star
In the office and at home
I fight for what I want - and I get it.

You wish you had a woman like me
But when you finally get me - you let me go.
My strength scares you
My intelligence makes you tremble
My sheer happiness to be with you makes you unsure
of how happy you could truly be.

But thats okay.
You wish you had a woman like me.
And sometimes, I wish I had a man like you
But ...
I
Know
Better




Thanks all,
SavvyBoricua: Mind, Body and Soul

Random Thoughts

It's not what you see, but what you believe.
It's not what you hear, but what you understand.
It's not where you've been, but where you intend to go.



You are the waves. I am the shore. When you crash into me, it makes sense.



Truth lies within the hearts of life soldiers. Those willing to fight for what matters. Those who do not back down from the tough obstacles. It is within these individuals that the fire is lit. That the magificent amber flickers in the darkness of their pasts to illuminate the hope of their tomorrows. Be a life soldier...fight for yourself, find your truth.

Why I decided to start...

Hello all,

So I decided to finally develop my own blog. One of the main reasons being that I wanted a more personal space to really showcase not only my writing but also my thoughts as I go through this new stage in my life.

As some of you may know I experience a traumatic ending to a serious relationship I was in at the beginning of the year. I was suicidal. I lost a lot of weight. I had no self-worth. I almost did not graduate college. I allowed this man - scratch that - this boy to destroy who I was as a human being and put me in such a dark and dismal place that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. But you know, I accept some of that responsibility. I accept the fact that he did this to me because in a way, I allowed him to.

I thought more with my heart than with my brain - to a fault. I allowed myself to love totally and unfortunately blindly and as a result I took the risk of having my heart broken.

It was with the strong, encouraging words of my sisters, the emotional support of my Sorors who stayed up with me until 3-4 in the morning as I cried, my Mother who spent weeks living in my studio apartment waking me up for classes, feeding me, forcing me to get adequate sleep and my dear friends who through the miles answered my 2 AM phone calls when I would have a break down that got me through.

There came a point where I felt like I was too much of a burden on those around me. I felt as though my crying had reached a level that was not only detrimental to myself but to those that I loved. Sitting in class listening to lectures on cocontraction and reciprocal inhibition I would burst out into tears. My only outlet - writing.

I carried a small journal with me to my classes. In the times that I felt I wanted to leave class and never return I would discretely take out my journal and begin to write furiously. I wrote my emotions. I wrote pain, anger, sorrow, frustration, worry, fear, confusion. I wrote apology letters pleading for him to come back. And slowly over time, those letters became more centered on how angry and spiteful I was. And then as more time passed those letters were pretty much themed, "Top Million Reasons why your ex fucked up". And as time went on I felt better, and I needed that journal less and less...

It was partially because I started to surround myself with older individuals that had careers and had goals and were achieving great things in their life. Part of it was that I got psychological counseling for my depression. And part of it was that I finally realized that the greatest love of all, was the love I provided myself.

So although the theme of my writing has changed immensely, I have not turned my back on writing. Now, I use it as a tool to remind myself that I am not alone. I put my opinions online in the hopes that someone can relate to what I say. I put myself out there so that others can know that someone understands their struggle. I put my words on the internet in the hopes that I can offer myself a new flavor of enlightenment that will carry me into higher understanding of who I am and who I would like to become.

I may not have the greatest diction. I may not have the syntax or the grammar. But this is me. I write. I live. I breathe. I love like no other.

I, am SavvyBoricua:Mind Body and Soul. Welcome to my blog.