4 Seasons: It's clean up time...

There is something rejuvenating about throwing things away. Its like being held underwater for what seems an eternity and finally being able to come up for air. Your chest filled with a joy that cannot be expressed in mortal words. Your mind, finally getting the oxygen and freedom it so desperately needed.

Today, as I went to my apartment in Ann Arbor to move out the last of my things, I was forced to confront old memories. They came in the form of photos, birthday cards, gifts and trinkets. Symbols of a past life. Symbols of an era that came and went. Symbols of what I was, but nothing pertinent enough to have an affect on what I am to become.

As I perused through my menagerie of sorts, I began to have flashbacks. Some of my flashbacks made me smile and others, were more like nightmares. I thought of the tears I cried. I thought of the nights I lost sleep. I thought of the moments that I held on to these trinkets as if they were the magic key that would bring me back to what I thought was complete and total happiness. I held on to these things for so long. Pictures, fotos, poems, letters. I held on to them thinking that if I kept trying, things would work in my favor.

But, I stopped trying. After a while it was exhausting to keep up with the hope of something that was not going to happen. It was exhausting to continue giving so much of myself into something that was not giving back. It was exhausting to continue having hope in a dream that was no longer possible. So I let go. I pushed it all away in the back of my closet, hidden in a box - thinking that by hiding it, I would not have to deal with the emotions - but I was wrong.

Not only did I realize just how highly favored I am, I also realized that I did eventually have to deal with the emotions attached to these items. But to my delight, my emotions weren't of sadness, grief or regret. My emotions were of the positive variety; light, airy, excited and relieved. And when it came right down to it, I told myself, "Paula, you can either keep all of this as a constant reminder of the struggle you faced or you can get rid of it and finally move on with your life." Well, lets just say that as I tore those pictures in half and threw them into the garbage - my heart smiled and said "All is well Paula, now you have grown". And at that moment, I knew that although my struggles will no longer be physically represented in my life, I have the knowledge that I faced them, I conquered them and I continued forward in my pursuit of love, happiness and self-assurance.

I guess what I am trying to communicate with you all is that sometimes life just doesn't work out the way that we plan for it. Sometimes we are confronted with certain obstacles and have to make the tough decisions. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter how fast or slow you tackle these things. What matters is that you realize who you are, what you need, what you are willing to put up with and to then make your decisions accordingly. Today, I was finally emotionally ready to let go of things that others would have thrown away months ago. But, having chosen to do this on my own terms and in my own time gave me both personal satisfaction and control over a life that only a couple of months ago was quickly spiraling down the drain.

So, women and men out there....It's time to clean out your closet. Think about what may have affected you that you still have not been able to let go. Consider what you may still be holding on to. Think about what you are honestly willing to put up with. And slowly, in your own time, let it go. Your reconnection with yourself is long awaited and definitely well deserved. Like I have said before, "Be your own breath of fresh air. Fill your lungs with hope. Fill your heart with satisfaction".

My name is SavvyBoricua: Mind, Body and Soul - This is my blog.