Why I decided to start...

Hello all,

So I decided to finally develop my own blog. One of the main reasons being that I wanted a more personal space to really showcase not only my writing but also my thoughts as I go through this new stage in my life.

As some of you may know I experience a traumatic ending to a serious relationship I was in at the beginning of the year. I was suicidal. I lost a lot of weight. I had no self-worth. I almost did not graduate college. I allowed this man - scratch that - this boy to destroy who I was as a human being and put me in such a dark and dismal place that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. But you know, I accept some of that responsibility. I accept the fact that he did this to me because in a way, I allowed him to.

I thought more with my heart than with my brain - to a fault. I allowed myself to love totally and unfortunately blindly and as a result I took the risk of having my heart broken.

It was with the strong, encouraging words of my sisters, the emotional support of my Sorors who stayed up with me until 3-4 in the morning as I cried, my Mother who spent weeks living in my studio apartment waking me up for classes, feeding me, forcing me to get adequate sleep and my dear friends who through the miles answered my 2 AM phone calls when I would have a break down that got me through.

There came a point where I felt like I was too much of a burden on those around me. I felt as though my crying had reached a level that was not only detrimental to myself but to those that I loved. Sitting in class listening to lectures on cocontraction and reciprocal inhibition I would burst out into tears. My only outlet - writing.

I carried a small journal with me to my classes. In the times that I felt I wanted to leave class and never return I would discretely take out my journal and begin to write furiously. I wrote my emotions. I wrote pain, anger, sorrow, frustration, worry, fear, confusion. I wrote apology letters pleading for him to come back. And slowly over time, those letters became more centered on how angry and spiteful I was. And then as more time passed those letters were pretty much themed, "Top Million Reasons why your ex fucked up". And as time went on I felt better, and I needed that journal less and less...

It was partially because I started to surround myself with older individuals that had careers and had goals and were achieving great things in their life. Part of it was that I got psychological counseling for my depression. And part of it was that I finally realized that the greatest love of all, was the love I provided myself.

So although the theme of my writing has changed immensely, I have not turned my back on writing. Now, I use it as a tool to remind myself that I am not alone. I put my opinions online in the hopes that someone can relate to what I say. I put myself out there so that others can know that someone understands their struggle. I put my words on the internet in the hopes that I can offer myself a new flavor of enlightenment that will carry me into higher understanding of who I am and who I would like to become.

I may not have the greatest diction. I may not have the syntax or the grammar. But this is me. I write. I live. I breathe. I love like no other.

I, am SavvyBoricua:Mind Body and Soul. Welcome to my blog.