Brainstorm: Illusion, Reality, Imbruglia, Dolls

Natalie Imbruglia said it best when she said,

"Illusion never changed into something real. Im wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn".

I realized that what I wanted out of life, what I wanted from relationships and what I wanted from myself was nothing but a big illusion. When I think I finally get what I have been asking for, I run. I run because I don't want to feel the shame and admit to myself that what I wanted is no longer what I want. What I hoped for is no longer what I wish, and that my desires have materialized into nothing more than an illusion.

I don't really know how I feel right now. Usually I write about thoughts that have already been developed and I try to give insight and hope to others. But, I suppose now is a time that I have to admit to you all that I am painfully human. I too, am lost. I too, am looking for answers. I too, am constantly developing into a more complete person - but at this moment I feel like im in a black hole. A place where I have no where to turn to, no one to wipe my tears, no one to look for advice. I - am here - alone.

When I think about the grand illusion - life - I realize that nothing really becomes real until you experience it and nothing is greater than what you make it.

"So I guess the fortune tellers right. Should have seen just what was there and not some holy light".

I think some of us have a tendency to hold on to ideals and expectations of ourselves and of others. I think we have this innate ability to create fantastical perceptions of what life should ultimately be and then spend every waking moment trying to create reality from a fantasy. But truthfully, fantasy and reality are two separate things and cannot therefore morphologically become intertwined or converted. I guess what I am trying to say is - we need to stop investing so much time and energy into developing our individual realities into perfect little worlds.

It is time that we.... It is time that I take a step back and allow things to unfurl as they should. My illusions will never manifest as reality; my fantasies will not become truths, unless I am willing to allow life to flow effortlessly and without interference.

Finding the strength to relinquish all power in the direction of your life is a strong test of faith. Understanding what to do at the final destination is a test of character. Rebuild yourself with illusion but uncover the truth in your reality.

I hope this somewhat made sense to you all.... if not, thanks for letting me share my thoughts in this confusing time.

Goo Goo Dolls - Iris
And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything seems like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know your alive

I am SavvyBoricua: Mind, Body and Soul. This is my blog.