Hindsight

I envisioned it differently
with brightly colored red poppys
the smell of lavender wafting gently through the air
the scene of a warm summer day with the soft breeze softly grazing my skin

I envisioned the rag time band
the horns the drums the joyful beats
moving my body, swaying me from left to right to left to...
I somehow lost the beat
Perhaps because I envisioned it differently

I envisioned it like refreshing water
pouring slowly and deliberately down my throat in the August heat
The coolness charging my insides
A sudden contacture of my pupils, the tiny hairs on my arms standing on end.

I envisioned it differently,
so what
do i
do now?

The thing about setbacks...

So, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that I have had my fair share of setbacks. And, to be quite honest, I am sick and tired of it. Just when I see myself starting to climb up that hill to success, a mudslide just brings me right back down to ground zero.

But the thing about setbacks is that they piss me off. They piss me off really really bad. They piss me off so bad that I come back with a vengeance and with this brutal power to conquer everything in my sight. Sure, it doesn't always work but it does get me going. It's like riding the worlds fastest crotch rocket and feeling invincible (sidenote: never been on a crotch rocket, just trying to be analogous).

So to you my dear reader I say, get pissed off. Get really mad. It's good. And come back with a vengeance. So what if you have a setback, the question is - What are you going to do about it?

I am SavvyBoricua:Mind, Body and Soul and this is my blog.

Temerarious

Hey all,


So I am either making the best decision of my life or I am making the worst decision of my life. I recently embarked upon a journey with the Fighting Trojans of University of Southern Cal. (USC). Upon graduation, I will be in the hole approximately 60k in addition to my 25k balance on undergraduate loans and I am pursuing a Master in Teaching / Urban Education.

Now, my thought process was as follows: I applied and got denied from 10 Physical Therapy schools. I am in a dead-end job at the moment and I needed a Plan B with regards to my career path. One of the most treasured aspects of the job I currently have is my interaction with patients and educating them about their bodies and way to rehabilitate themselves after injuries. So, I figured, "Hey - maybe I'll go into teaching". So, I applied to this online program through USC and got accepted right away. After hearing 10 "NO's" in a row, a "YES" was definitely a sweet sound and a lovely way to soothe my wounds.

But, now, I think I am regretting my decision. I am scared I took the wrong path. With the amount of teachers that are being pink-slipped across the entire country, I feel like the constricted and over-saturated field of education will not have room for me, and I will still be pigeon-holed into the same technician job that I have now...except with more debt.

I was hoping that by having a Master's degree under my belt, Physical Therapy schools will find me more desirable and be willing to take a risk on me. I was hoping that this would be an example to them that I can handle education pass the Undergraduate level and rise to meet the demands of a graduate program. I also figured that a good therapist must be a good teacher in order to effectively treat their patients, so doing a Master's in education would not be too bad of a choice.

But I think I misled myself. I think I may be in way over my head. I'm scared. Have nowhere to turn and am broke.

Ok... i'll be more honest - i'm scared straight out my britches and I want to curl up in a ball and rock myself to sleep all the time.... well maybe just most of the time...ok ok only SOMEtimes.... but still!

Sigh. I guess I will just continue down this path and see where it leads me. I am sure there is some lesson embedded in all of this educational mayhem and I just hope I make it out to the other side.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I was trying to be adventurous. I was trying to make moves for myself to get ahead in this world. I was trying to make my own destiny. And to tell the truth, its scary as hell. For once, I don't have all the answers. I don't have the advice of someone who has "been there" - "done that". I am alone in this endeavor and I have to face the consequences and challenges alone. Being adventurous is teaching me lessons in confronting fears, blazing my own path, and finding answers in the uncertain.

If anyone else if going through something similar, know that I am here with you - trying to dig my way through and I feel your struggle.


I am SavvyBoricua: Mind, Body and Soul and this is my blog.

Accentuate

Hello All,

I know I have been mushy in a lot of my posts - but that is for good reason. Last year my blog was about heartache, pain, rebuilding and renewal. Now I have gotten to know myself and have taken the brave and terrifying leap - letting someone hold a piece of my heart.

I use the term HOLD because I have learned not to surrender myself to anyone. I have learned that love will blossom and become a beautiful reality, when you are able to find someone that accentuates you in your entirety. Someone who does not expect you to forfeit your being, your dreams, your goals. Someone who wants to enhance the life you currently lead.

I have learned to love again. I feel energy running through my extremities and get butterflies at the mere thought of this individual. I am invigorated and I am secure in who I am. He doesn't complete me because I am already whole. He raises me to a higher level of understanding and security and I love him.

So here is a song dedication to the man that has played such an integral part of my life since October 2009. To this man I say I love you and if you ask me - I'm Ready...




My name is SavvyBoricua: Mind, Body and Soul and this is my blog.

Lesson Learned

I think it is amazing how we put so much importance and value upon other people - especially people who have hurt us. I have reached a point in my life where I am realizing that there is no struggle or agony, just lessons learned over time. There is no regret or mistakes - just lessons learned.


I have learned to love, without losing myself. I have learned to give, without betraying who I am. I learned it through life lessons, not mistakes. The things I went through were for a purpose, so I could learn something about myself that I did not know before.

Lesson Learned by Alicia Keys

Yes I was burned but I called it a lesson learned
Mistake overturned
So I call it a lesson learned
My soul has returned
So I call it a lesson learned
Another lesson learned


Sometimes
Some lies
Can take a minute
To fully realize
His tears
Your eyes
Thirty seconds to apologize
You give it one more chance
Just like the time before
But he already know you'd give a hundred more
Until that night in bed
You wake up in a sweat
You're racing to the door
Can't take it anymore


I was burned but I called it a lesson learned
Mistake overturned
So I call it a lesson learned
My soul has returned
So I call it a lesson learned
Another lesson learned


Life perfect
Ain't perfect
If you don't know what the struggle's for
Falling down ain't falling down
If you don't cry when you hit the floor
It's called the past cause I'm getting past
And I ain't nothing like I was before
You ought to see me now

I challenge you all to not look at your pains, struggles, obstacles or fears in the here and now. Look through these things and search for the lesson. Look for the growth and love that life has in store for you. You are nothing like you were yesterday and not even half of what you will be tomorrow, your "soul has returned" so call it a lesson learned.

I am SavvyBoricua: Mind, Body and Soul and this is my blog.

Corazon

"I don't think I know what it means to be in love with someone, or even how to be in love."

- "Well, hopefully, we can learn together."

Sometimes fear is the best motivation to start something new - to throw your dirty baggage away and to press forward. Sometimes fear of the unknown is necessary. Sometimes courage is essential. Sometimes tears are guaranteed to fall.



But, its nice to know that I can experience all of this in the strong arms of someone who cares about me. Feeling those marvelous arms wrapping around my body, the soft touch of lips on my neck assuring me that they will be with me every step of the way. Our heads touching, eyes closed and bodies silent - as if we are mentally sending each other a message saying "I promise to always take care of you". Sometimes, it takes risk to get this kind of reward.

Life is an Amazing Race, and I can admit to not always feeling completely assured of myself or of my situations. I am a believer in the idea that people are the result of their environments and experiences. Having had my share of shitty romantic experiences, its hard at times for me to really open up and trust my heart to another man. A lot of times I battle with fear of being mistreated or left behind. A lot of times I struggle with the fact that I AM worth it and any guy who is willing to mishandle me is a damn fool. But, I guess that makes me human. I guess that means I lose a battle with fear - but I refuse to lose the war.

Like always, there is a lot going on in my head right now however, I hope this song posted earlier in the blog kind of sums it up (sort of).

Enjoy.

My name is SavvyBoricua: Mind, Body and Soul and this is my blog.